Dakota G. - Quilt Finished in 2005
Born: May 13, 1991 Passed Away: January 9, 2007
Illness: Brain Tumor Medulloblastoma
A Thank you from Dakota's Family!
Written August 2, 2005
Thank you so much. The quilt is Beautiful!! Dakota is Very Proud of it and showed it to everyone he could at the Hospital. Lannette is even going to learn to cross stitch so she can do some things.
Thanks again, Ted, Lannette and Dakota
Dakota G.'s Story
written by mom Lannette
Dakota was born on a beautiful spring day May 13th 1991, two weeks after his due date. He was so sweet, so perfect, and yes SO cute. Right from the start, he was always very well behaved and such a joy to his father and I.
When Dakota was 4 years old his father was diagnosed with brain cancer (Glioblastoma). He was only given 6 months to live, however he fought very hard to beat his illness. Sad to say he lost his battle to this ugly beast 2 days after his 31st birthday which was 22 months after his diagnosis. We miss him very much but in my heart I knew that God had blessed me so much by giving me this sweet little boy who looked just like his daddy and acted just like his daddy too.
Then only 6 years after loosing Dakota's father to this awful disease, I found out that my precious baby also had brain cancer (Medulloblastoma). We found out about the cancer after Dakota had migraine headaches 4 days in a row. I took him to the doctor thinking that he may have migraines like I did when I was his age. I could not believe my eyes when I saw the doctor do many of the same test on him, my little baby, that I saw doctors do on his daddy. I turned my head and silent tears started to flow, being so scared of what the doctor was looking for. He orderd for Dakota to have a CT scan the next day.
At this time I tried to fight my fears and prayed that they would not find anything, and that he only had the same headaches that I did, but this was not the case. The technician came out of the room and said that they needed to put dye in Dakota to get a better picture because they had found something that they were unsure of. They did the next test and the technician came out again saying that yes there is a tumor and had our doctor on the phone to talk with me. My heart fell to the floor, this could not be happening again!!! Then I heard the most heartbreaking words come from my son "momma, I'm so scared, I dont want to die like daddy did". Even to this day, I cry just thinking how scared this sweet little 12 year old boy, who had watched all the pain and suffering that his father had to go through, was going go through the same.
The doctor set up an appointment for us to see a neurologist the next day to take stuff that we may need because Dakota would need surgery right away. This all started August 26th by the 28th he was in surgery. The good news was that Dakota did not have the same type of tumor that his father had. Dakota has a 70% chance to make it in fighting this beast. Dakota had his 7 hour long surgery and then started his radiation the next week. The radiation was so very hard on him, he lost 30 lbs in the first month. He then also started chemo about a month after that. All of his treatment took a year and three months.
He has had to be taken out of school due to being so sick. He has a homebound teacher that has come to the house for the past year and half. Dakota had his last chemo treatment in November 2004. From here he will go get am MRI every 3 months for the next two years, then if all goes well, will only have to go for his MRI's every 6 months. The sad part is that medullos have a high reacurrance rate which means his prognosis of 70% would go down if the cancer returns. Please add Dakota to your prayers that his cancer will never return. Thank you.
~~ Written by Lannette, proud mamma of Dakota ~~
Tuesday, January 9, 2007 11:47 PM CST
I have really no words that I can find to start this post...
Dakota EARNED his angel wings tonight at 8:30. Thank you Jesus for the calming peace "you" have given to me. Dakota left this earth and went into his eternal life with such peace and for this I am SOOOOOO grateful!!! Again thank you Jesus!!! It is so very strange for me to write this update because it's always been "someone elses child" and although with each child I have watch pass....it's not the same as your own baby. Which is why I have to say yet one more time....PLEASE not only pray for me and my family tonight but for those who are walking the same journey. My prayers have been answered and that was for Dakota to go in peace but now my prayers are for God to direct me into a path that will help others going through the same thing.
OHHHHHH how I miss Dakota SOOOOOOO much already however I truly have a picture of the JOY he is having even while I write this!!! I have NO doubt that not only Jesus greeted Dakota with loving arms but his daddy was RIGHT there to show him all the beauty he was to see. I am SOOOO very jealous not to share this with Dakota however in time I KNOW I will!!!
Although I know Dakota (his body) is not here, I feel him taking care of me. Before he passed I sang a song to him that I sing to him everyday "I LOVE YOU BABE, AND IF IT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT, I NEED YOU BABE, ECT...." when he was awake I talk to him again about NOT being scared, he said he was so tired of being scared.....those are words NO parent should ever have to hear, but if you must, like so many of us that have babies with this damn illness...I hope that from your hearts you can reassure them of the life they WILL have and with that life comes no pain, no sadness, no doctors, no hospitals.....there IS alife where you get to be "just" a NORMAL kid again. I hope that Dakota heard me say this, and I hope that he felt how much I meant this. Well at this point I know I am no longer making much sense and need to get some rest.~~~~PLEASE in your prayers say "Thank you Jesus for taking Dakota home where he should be"
I will write more soon on Dakota's service which WILL be nothing but a HUGE celebration of his life and what a WONDERFUL!!!! blessing that beautiful child was to me and the gift from God I had (have).
Love Lannette~the VERY PROUD momma to Dakota Michael
Wednesday, January 17, 2007 10:46 PM CST
Dear family and friends~
There's so much to write...so much to say....so many feelings that have been in my heart for the past nine days. This is the time from the day Dakota went Home, the 9th, until today. I would like to share with all of you what this has been~~~~~
as all of you know the weeks before Dakota's passing was filled with many warm and wonderful memories however it was also filled with many moments of me praying for my sweet baby to "have peace", to "have no pain", "to not fear what was to come". As a mom who loved her babe MORE than ANY word could EVER describe, my heart ached because HE was only a child, so no matter what "peace" I talked of that he would have......(I am praying to find the words).......he was very frightened of a "place" (world) without his mommy. I have NO doubt that now he is in Heaven, he understands what I was trying to explain to him, however....I FELT his fear, this breaks my heart. So while I rejoyce in the fact that he is with his Heavenly Father and his Daddy :) and that CANCER can no longer touch him, make him scared, take away from him, and all that this ugly beast has brought.....I feel kinda sad that I could not really show him the "peace" to come. ~~~~~~
The "after" life of loosing your child is a road filled with guilt, emptiness, questions (with no answers), loneliness (no matter how many people are around)....it's finding a new path because the road you were "just on", ended. Unless you have ever had this happen you could never imagine what this is to ones heart. I MISS Dakota with ALL I have but in the same breathe, am so very thankful for him being "done", done with having to fight SOOO hard (but babe, what a GREAT fighter you ARE!!!!!)
The "snow flakes" are still coming in. Since Dakota's passing, I know I have opened AT least 40 packages :) :) :) I still have them all around the house but also have great plans for all the ones I could not hang. The clinic were dak was treated, will be decorated so beatiful next year!!! I have saved them and WILL use them, and thoughts of Dakota will be floating all over CMC. If I had to guess, I would say that Dakota recieved (so far) about 10,000 snow flakes, WOW!!!!! Thank you SOOOOOOOOO much from My true felt heart.
This part is about Dakota's service~~~it was by FAR the most beautiful celebration of his life. It was all he and I talked about, the night before THANKSgiving. I wish I could share it with all of you that were unable to be here. With the great help of friends and family, we had taken MANY pictures of Dakota and had them blown up to 5x7 and 8x10 (LOTS & LOTS!!!). I had all his favorite stuff there, like.....his build a bears (all 17), LOTS of "STEELERS" stuff, a video playing on many tv's and a huge screen behind his casket, of pictures from the first one when he was born up to now (thank you Rob), there was also a BEAUTIFUL ice sculpture with a "snow flake, in memory of DAKOTA" next to the casket (thank you Leslie and friend), and every word that was spoken was about wonderful times and "peace". You could feel Gods love throughout EVERY step and EVERY breathe taken. Friends got up to speak words of memories and comfort and even I got up and read the "I HOPE" poem. I have not seen yet the video taken from that day however ALL the memories of "love", "peace", and "hope for others" are very strong in my heart, without even seeing the tape :) :) :) ~~~with all being what it was (sad) I could have not been more pleased with what the "word" of the service was.....DAKOTA :) :) :)
Since his passing~~~~~my heart has had so much sadness in missing THE love of my life however I have to say that with every second I feel God and His loving Son Jesus Christ, carry me through all of it. Don't think for one second that I am not without breakdowns filled with confushion and also feelings of numbness as to "how can this really be?"~~~but I truly thank God those feelings pass some-what quick, and I find my THANKSgivings again.~~~yesterday was a hard day, in re-living all that happened at the same time last week. I watched the clock every moment starting at 4:00pm when I went to check on him last Tuesday before going to do a little yard work.~~~ I lived 4:00 when I walked in to see him awake but totally different from the night before (morning, for us since dak and I didn't go to sleep until 6:00am), I lived 4:45 when I called hospice to just come and "check his stats", I lived THE LAST WORDS I heard from him before I gave him medicine to help him sleep because he was crying in so much pain from his head hurting (not knowing I would NEVER hear his voice again, nor would he ever wake from this),I lived when I was with him and just walked out thinking it would still be "awhile"; to update his site to let others know what was going on, I lived the MOMENT everyone came rushing to me saying "we think he's gone", I LIVED the GUILT of not being there by his side for this precious moment, I lived sitting by his side and my heart BEGGING for one more breathe, I lived calling hospice back to say that he had passed, I lived taking in EVERY smell I could get; every kiss I could "give"; every detail once again of his beatiful face, I lived giving him his last bath; in the bed and changing his clothes for the last time, I lived dreading the moment that he would have to leave the house...it was 11:42pm. ~~~~throughout this "time" of remembering last Tuesday, Ted and I watched "DAKOTA :) tapes". We laughed and cried so much for our loss of our sweet boy. I went to bed (every night since Dakota has passed) around 5:00 or maybe 7:00 am~~~sleep and I are not friends right now but I hope that changes soon. Today has been very hard. We had a very small (not to me!!!) problem with something at the funeral home, Dakota's belongings were misplaced and I have been in PANIC mode!!!! They were found (thank you Jesus!!!!) and I really thought the funeral home we had was GREAT in doing all our wishes, but this one thing was all I needed (I guess on top of everything else) to send me over the edge.....but it was fixed and now I am SOOOOOO much better!!!! We picked up dakota's remains and that was very tough to say the least! Dakota sat in my lap the whole ride back to our home while I cried knowing this was once "my baby", but again I found GREAT comfort in really knowing where he is but at the same time comfort in knowing he was once again....in my arms. I kissed the box as if it was my sweet baby and when we got home I took the bag out and held it near and OHHHHH so dear to my heart, I told Ted "I can feel my heart beating for the both of us" really I TRULY felt a totally new beat in my heart!!!! This was a beatiful comfort to me!!! ~~~I know many are having a hard time with my choice on having Dakota cremated and believe me I prayed on this SOOOOOOO very much, it's what DAKOTA wanted and my heart KNOWS I did the right thing! Not only for him to honor his wishes but for me too. (later I will explain more on how I feel about this).~~~~~throughout these past few days I have said MANY prayers for "a sign" although my heart KNOWS!!!! Dakota is is in Heaven where he belongs, I just needed some type of sign from him...I have looked, I have listen with my ears, I have listen with my heart, I have begged God to PLEASE help me "see" this~~yesterday my wind chimes were going NUTS and I thought maybe this was my sign since Dakota bought them for me and a few of our other very close friends....but my heart just didn't feel "it". I questioned myself over and over "was that it?" but I still could not feel it.~~~~ Well the sign came today :) :) :) when we got home. I had "the lost bag" from the funeral home with dakota's stuff in it and also his remains in my hand, I sat them down on the counter because we also had other stuff to bring in....when I walked in I SAW IT :) :) :) ~~~~~~the bag was a bag of Dakota's from a store called "American Eagel" ~~~~~~something SOOO cool just happen to me!!!! Thank you God, thank you Jesus!!!!! I will explain to all in a moment but I will say The Holy Spirit is working some WONDERFUL overtime in my house :) :)~~~~~~~ on the bag is a picture of a young man, blowing a kiss in a "winter wonder land" (CHRISTmas bag), the boy on the bag looks JUST like dakota except not sick. I had wrote yesterday or the day before on another site and asked God to please let Dakota send me a "kiss"!! Ok so now here is the REALLY cool part :) :) :) ~God and His Son Jesus, knew long before Dakota had passed that I would want " A " sign, so they sent the "eagel" days before dakota's passing, They knew it was a "kiss" I needed, They knew today would be very hard on me..........SO with Dakota's remains and were I placed them along with the "American EAGEL" bag.....They sent me my much needed sign. I know you must think I am totally nuts but i am NOT!!! I just KNOW with EVERYTHING I have the good Lord sent me what I needed and He did it with some humor (I think Michael and Dakota had a hand in this LOL). I just want all of you to know that I have had to force myself to update because of my sadness but now I feel SOOOOOOO much peace, so much TRUE joy~~I wish I could share this love that God has given to me with all of you. If it were not nearly 3:00am a would call everyone :) :) :)!!!
Thank you Jesus, thank you God for the most wonderful blessing through this hard time, and what a blessings it is!!! ~~GREAT things will be done in HIS name :)
Love Lannette~THE FOREVER!!!! PROUD!!!! momma to
Dakota Michael :) :) :)
